Sunday, March 7, 2010
My dear mother dropped off a book for me to read called "I See Rude People" by Amy Alkon. I read about 85% of it today, and it's actually a pretty inspiring read. Whether or not all of her tales of revenge are true or not is debatable, but the point of the book seems to be that one need not just sit back and tolerate the endless flow of bullshit and fuckery that one's fellow man dishes out on a daily basis. Her main enemies are cell phone shouters, telemarketers, and parents that let their children run rampant. I, too, disdain these groups, but due to my hermit-like lifestyle, I encounter so few people that I haven't had a good chance to avenge any slights lately. Recently, I had the chance to just give a tiny bit of fuckery back. My life tends to exist in my house, at work, and on the road between the two. Unfortunately, the road between the two is littered with idiots. The young men populating the neighborhood between my house and work seem to have some sort of aversion to sidewalks. Always in the street. When I ride my bike to work during the tolerable months (few and far between,) I am forced to either ride on the ill-lit highway or take the back street that is overrun with gangs of thug-kids on their bikes that enjoy intimidating and blocking riders like me. This time of year, the bike gangs aren't out yet, but the street saunterers are out. I'm driving along, and all of a sudden, about ten feet in front of me, a large black guy, in a black coat and black pants appears, walking in the right lane, facing away from traffic. This wasn't the first time, or the second, or the twentieth I've had to avoid street saunterers, but the first one who just appeared out of nowhere. I swerved to avoid him, nearly wrecking my beloved Altima on cars parked on the other side. My mind reeled at the sheer stupidity and self-importance this asshole possessed. I briefly debated the pros and cons of throwing the car into reverse and teaching him a skull crunching lesson, but the Altima doesn't deserve it, and I doubt they serve guacamole and Nutty Bars in prison. I fumed and cursed, wondering where the fucking cops were when I needed them. Not 20 seconds later did I spy an Iowa City cop (friends to all) coming at me in the opposite direction. So many thoughts flew through my mind, chiefly this: Has it come to this? Am I now a fun hater? A tattletale? .... A....narc?....Fuck yes, I am. I stopped in the middle of the road, flagged that crime stopper down and asked him kindly to go fuck with that guy's life. I don't know what happened, and frankly, I don't really care, but it was the first time in a long time that I had been fucked with and been able to do something about it, however trivial, whiny, and probably fruitless. So, back to Alkon's book. She takes a camera everywhere she goes, so dicks in traffic, ladies who change their kid's shitty diapers in restaurants, and jerk-off chowderheads with cell phones can have their pictures posted online. I'm going to start doing this and I suggest you all do the same. We're all savages when no one's looking, but if everyone thinks someone's looking, we might be able to enjoy civilization. Alright, that wasn't a very exciting first blog, but I plan to keep coming back, at least weekly, with tales of dipshittery and arbitrary rage. If I can figure out how to do it, I'll be posting other shit, too.